SEASON FOUR FINALE: Advice to Our Younger Selves

Episode Description:

This season we asked each of our guests what advice they would give to their younger selves and the incredible insight and wisdom we received both inspired and motivated us to continue pushing towards our goals. On our season 4 final episode, we wanted to leave you with a compilation of the incredible advice our guests gave us as well as the advice the women who work on Sista Brunch would give to their younger selves.

TRANSCRIPT:

00:00:11:10 - 00:00:55:11

FANSHEN: Welcome back to Sista Brunch, the podcast about black women and gender expansive people thriving in entertainment and media. I'm your host, Fanshen Cox. Sista Brunch family: thank you so much for joining us for season four of Sista Brunch. We truly, truly love you all. And we're so grateful for all the ways that you support us. Sista Brunch began several years ago when black women mentors of the Directors Guild of America trainee program started inviting their mentees to casual, bimonthly gatherings just to talk about their experiences on set and and also to offer guidance to their trainees and to each other.

00:00:55:13 - 00:01:29:20

FANSHEN: This gathering came to be affectionately known as the Sista Brunch. Eventually, the Sista Brunch included women in entertainment roles beyond the directing program. Our co-creator and former co-host Anya Adams started hosting the Brunches and then after Anya and I were introduced, she invited me to a Sista Brunch, and we knew that we wanted to create a platform where we could share the incredible gift of mentorship and sisterhood and camaraderie that we felt in the Sista Brunches with the entire world.

00:01:29:22 - 00:02:00:21

FANSHEN: And with that, the Sista Brunch podcast was born. In the spirit of the original Sista Brunches, we wanted to leave you with this season with the wise and loving words of our guests and the Sista Brunch team, we are sharing the advice we would give to our younger selves. First, you'll hear from journalist, social curator, podcast host and author Tre'vell Anderson, journalist and co-founder of The Triibe, Tiffany Walden, and entertainment attorney Nyanza Shaw.

00:02:00:24 - 00:02:08:27

FANSHEN: They would tell their younger selves to remain true to themselves and resist conforming to society's expectations.

00:02:09:22 - 00:02:16:23

TREVELL: I would tell young Tre'vell that: you always knew who you were.

00:02:19:02 - 00:02:22:10

TREVELL: Um. And that the world

00:02:24:01 - 00:02:57:29

TREVELL: may not always be the proper container for it, but, there are other worlds that can be created. Um, and I would tell my younger self that: your imagination is your secret weapon. Lean into it. Cultivate it. Like, what would I be? What would we all be? If our imaginations as younger people. Weren't constrained, weren't confined, weren't, you know.

00:02:58:03 - 00:03:29:24

TREVELL: "Stop crying, man up." Right? Like. Like, "You can't play with this type of toy because you're a boy or you're a girl." "You can't do this thing because you're a boy or you are." What would we who would we all be if our imaginations were were supported, were uplifted, were encouraged. And so I would tell my younger self to to lean into your imagination. It will be it will be your ticket to the future.

00:03:32:07 - 00:04:09:26

TIFFANY: High school Tiffany is nervous because and and not feeling super confident because she's really into writing. Um, she really has no idea like what the, what the world is outside of her community. Um, she's never really been in a world of with white people, to be honest. You know, her neighborhood was predominantly black. Her high school was predominantly black. Um, so she's always just been very nurtured in blackness and just has no idea about how what she wants to contribute to the world will be received.

00:04:10:13 - 00:04:45:14

TIFFANY: Um, me today would tell her that she does not have to conform to what the world and these outside forces will try to and will successfully conform her into. Um. She doesn't have to change her voice. She doesn't have to, um erase her experiences that she had growing up. All of those things are assets in the future, and all of those things are experiences that she is not the only person that had.

00:04:45:16 - 00:05:11:01

TIFFANY: It's a whole world of black people who have had the same experience. And she'll get to see that world as we get further into social media and it becomes a community of people being able to express themselves and talk about the similarities in their upbringing. So I would just tell her to fight back and push back and just not let people tell her that the way she wants to do things is the wrong way to do it.

00:05:11:18 - 00:05:47:26

NYANZA: Um, I think that. Same thing, advice that I would give to a lot of young creatives and give to a lot of young law students and young lawyers is you have to trust who you are and trust your own voice. That is really you know, it sounds cliche, but that is really what makes you unique. And there's so many things in this world pushing back on what that is or trying to make us something else, or even making us feel bad about who we are or making us think that we should be X because this is what's on the internet or on social or whatever.

00:05:48:01 - 00:06:27:12

NYANZA: No, no, no. Trust who you are. Trust who you are. Trust what your voice is. If you're a writer, trust what your creative is. If you're a creator again, and even as a lawyer, being a young black girl lawyer and a lot of rooms with a lot of other folks and being the only of the only, you have to trust who you are. You have to trust who your voice is, what your voice is, and be able to speak from who you are. And I think that's just for me, one of those pillars that is consistent, especially for young black girls in this business, that there's so many ways that again, we're pushed back or can feel like we should be compromising or etcetera.  

00:06:28:25 - 00:06:59:11

NYANZA: I'm a great proponent of collaboration, which is different than compromise. Again, as you're developing stories, your stories evolve. You want to take feedback, you want to build on things. That's collaboration. That's not saying, Oh, I'm going to take your idea and change it to do something else. Then you're compromising what your voice is and what your what your vision for something is right, which is two completely different things. You want to build on it, but you don't want to. I mean, the other is really taking away from it and you can feel the difference.

00:06:59:13 - 00:07:15:17

NYANZA: And I think even in that process, like you said, whether you get a deal and it doesn't feel right or you get it, you know, get a proposition or having conversations with people about what they're bringing to the table, if you know who you are, you know what your voice is, that is going to be your guiding light.

00:07:16:09 - 00:07:34:21

FANSHEN: Many of our guests told their younger selves to stop stressing and assured them that everything will work out in the end. You'll hear from YouTube creator Hallease, NFT expert Sian Morson, journalist and news anchor Tanya McRae, and executive producer at the Apollo Theater Kamilah Forbes. 

00:07:34:27 - 00:07:40:01

HALLEASE: I think what I'm telling her is, Hey girl,

00:07:41:28 - 00:08:16:05

HALLEASE: it's okay that LA didn't work out. It's not you, it's them. TI'm telling definitely telling her like, start the channel faster. Like, do it faster. It's also okay that the agency you're at is like incredibly problematic in your boss is scary. She's gonna fire you in a couple of months anyway. You'll be fine. You'll be so happy when she does trust me. And then just like I know actually this is a good one because I was still pretty young in my marriage when you started the channel.

00:08:16:07 - 00:08:26:27

HALLEASE: It's like I know the marriage. You went into it and you're happy. You know, you made the right decision, but you're also like, Oh, this is a lot. Just stick it out. He's actually really good. Yeah, you'll be fine.

00:08:28:02 - 00:08:28:19

HALLEASE: Marriage.

00:08:28:27 - 00:08:51:02

HALLEASE: The transition into marriage is hard, but you'll. You'll be good. You'll be fine. It's just a transition. And you'll get. You'll realize that those are normal. But yeah. Think that's like ironically it's not. Yeah. It's more about like life overall, you know what I mean? So yeah. And then I'd probably be like, calm down on the sugar now because both your parents have diabetes. So like it's coming for you. Yeah.

00:08:53:15 - 00:08:57:03

HALLEASE: It's all like health related. Start getting, ooh, start getting facials.

00:08:57:05 - 00:08:58:09

HALLEASE: Now, at your age.

00:09:00:03 - 00:09:30:16

SIAN: I tell her, lighten up a little bit. I was really, really serious as a kid. Probably too serious. I was just always thinking, just sitting in a corner by myself, just plotting world domination and think that I didn't have as much fun as I should have as a child. And so I make up for that now. And so think I would say to her, you know what? Lighten up a little. It's going to be okay. Don't worry so much. Think I was a worrier as well. You know, just brooding.

00:09:30:18 - 00:09:38:12

SIAN: Just brooding. Just processing. I would tell her, you know what? It's going to be okay. Just lighten up and have some fun.

00:09:38:16 - 00:10:09:12

TANYA: I think the thing that Big Tanya would tell little Tanya is to slow down. I was always so eager to be grown, You know, I wanted to get out in the world and wanted to do things, and I wanted to be independent. And I was frantic. When I was in elementary school. I wanted to be in junior high school. When I was in junior high school, I wanted to be in high school. When I was in high school, I wanted to be in college. When I was in college, I wanted to get into the working world and I think big time.

00:10:09:14 - 00:10:19:24

TANYA: You would tell her, Honey, adulting is really hard. Enjoy the fact that your only responsibility today is to do that math worksheet

00:10:22:00 - 00:10:53:17

TANYA: and go to basketball practice and then come home and have dinner with your parents, watch a little TV, that little book, and enjoy the life that you have today. And it would be to be present because I was always looking ahead and looking at what's next. And, you know, honestly, it's it's brought me a lot of anxiety and stress and angst over the years. I've always looking at what's next. So, you know, get a producer job. Okay, when am I getting my co-executive producer job? I get a job.

00:10:53:19 - 00:11:35:00

TANYA: Okay. When am I getting my executive producer job? You know, I was always looking for the next accomplish this. Great. Got that checked off. What's next? And it really is to appreciate where you are today. That is a life lesson. And when I have it's it took me a long time to get to the point of realizing being present and appreciating the now. I think the pandemic was a game changer for me in terms of my mentality of appreciate today, because you really have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring and to be present and to accept things as they are not what you want them to be, not what they could be, not what they should be, but accept things as they are and.

00:11:35:02 - 00:11:48:04

TANYA: And you work within that realm. You'll be amazed at the weight that is lifted off your shoulders. So I would say to be present and to appreciate what you have today.

00:11:48:24 - 00:12:03:27

KAMILAH: I would say. And what I would say is don't be so anxious for the next. We're always so anxious. I was always so anxious for the next that I forgot to savor the NOW. That's what I would say.

00:12:07:28 - 00:12:48:09

FANSHEN: Hey, Sista Brunch family. It's the final episode of the season. This is Sista Brunch, as you know, the podcast by and about black women and gender expansive people thriving in entertainment and media. And stay tuned for more of these beautiful reflections from our season four guests. And also do us a big favor. If you love our show, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify - wherever you listen to your podcast and share our podcast with your favorite people, maybe tell them what your favorite episode is that'll get them hooked and they'll keep listening.

00:12:50:02 - 00:12:55:08

FANSHEN: We're back and we're so excited to share more of our guests' advice to their younger selves.

00:12:58:00 - 00:13:06:24

FANSHEN: Two of our guests, DeShuna Spencer and Maegan Philmore, emphasized the importance of loving yourself and being comfortable in your own skin.

00:13:07:24 - 00:13:43:29

DESHUNA: We would ask someone yourself like, You got this. You know, don't worry about the future. As a kid, I was always so worried about where would I be in life. I felt really low self-esteem. I had like a bit of a stuttering in thing. And even though I love to read, you know, I would, you know, get my stuff together and make sure and. I always felt that maybe I wouldn't be as successful. A lot of people didn't see potential in me, and I fought so hard to, like, prove people wrong.

00:13:44:02 - 00:14:07:04

DESHUNA: And so I had a huge chip on my shoulder growing up. And I would just tell her, girl, what? Are you worried? You have no idea. You know, worry the places you're going to go, the things you're going to do in life. You got this. You have nothing to worry about. I would just. And give her a real big hug and say you're beautiful, because I didn't think I was beautiful either, you know?

00:14:07:20 - 00:14:31:25

MAEGAN: And I basically would tell her the importance of exercise so that you can do all that your heart desires and to be yourself. I hid from myself for years, you know, And I think being myself is really important and say it's okay. I thought I was super overweight. I was never super anything. I was just always Maegan I was going.

00:14:31:27 - 00:14:33:23

FANSHEN: I was gonna say: SuperWOMAN.

00:14:35:11 - 00:15:05:19

MAEGAN: I have to sleep and rest, but that that, that, that that will be my Sista Brunch with that little Maegan in Columbus, Ohio. And, you know, and tell her that even though it feels like no one is in your corner. I had a death in my family - I should say my family of friends back in Ohio. And we all came together. And even though I'm bisexual, I have secular religious views, which are very different than my friends back home,

00:15:05:21 - 00:15:53:14

MAEGAN: I also do have a very diverse group of loved ones that I call family. Um, all of my black girlfriends came to me and they're very religious and they supported me. And, um, you know, I don't want to discount my white best friend Chelsea, because she. She was there, too. She's always rolled, rolled with me. But it was just such a lovely group. And they said, Megan, we always support everything you do out there, you know, We know it has to be hard that you were the only one who left, you know, to come this far, you know? And so I would just tell that little girl who always thought she didn't have people in her corner and that she was so different because, you know, I always had an Asian friend or Yugoslavian friend and they would be like, you think you're white and you think you I am Maegan LaTrice Philmore.

00:15:53:16 - 00:16:26:19

MAEGAN: That's it. And I want everyone else to be able to be the Mimi, the Fanshen, the the of of who they are. It's so important. That's that. That's what. And I also would show her my birthday. My birthday photo shoot. I took a shoot in all gold glitter and I. And I and I and in all gold glitter because I've gained a little weight this past year and said, but this is still my body and I still get to do all these wonderful things. And so I would just show that little girl those pictures just say, this is what you have to look forward to.

00:16:27:22 - 00:16:34:27

FANSHEN: Marissa Nance, CEO of Native Tongue Communication, kept her advice quite short, sweet and very direct.

00:16:34:29 - 00:16:55:09

MARISSA: What I would say to her is please. Three things. One. Shut your mouth. Listen more. Two. Focus and be realistic in your ability. You can't do everything. Stop trying. And three. Find joy.

00:16:56:16 - 00:17:06:25

FANSHEN: Our guests, casting director Tracy Twinkie Bird, composer Tamar Kali and Sista Brunch co-creator Anya Adams reminded all of us to live in our truth.

00:17:07:24 - 00:17:10:05

TWINKIE: My favorite line from The Wizard of Oz.

00:17:10:23 - 00:17:14:08

TWINKIE: You had the power all along, my dear.

00:17:15:06 - 00:17:16:16

TAMARKALI: I'm telling her.

00:17:18:05 - 00:17:59:28

TAMARKALI: To continue to trust her gut. That she is loved and protected and, you know, always keep it squeaky. I think that I don't have no regrets. But if I would change anything, it would just be to be more mindful of allowing aligning my words with my actions sooner. You know, mean you're not going to be perfect, but to have that as like a focus. You know, like the four agreements, you know, you know, like to if could have started that practice in my 20s seconds I'm just curious because I really have no regrets, but curious as to how things may have shifted or looked.

00:17:59:29 - 00:18:07:22

TAMARKALI: If I had that seed of wisdom, I was starting to exemplify that type of practice at a younger age.

00:18:08:15 - 00:18:19:17

ANYA: I was talking to somebody else the other day about like when I first came to L.A. Or when I was had set my sights on LA. I thought I found a diary and I'd written in my diary that I wanted to be a casting director.

00:18:20:01 - 00:18:22:00

FANSHEN: Interesting.  

00:18:22:05 - 00:18:58:08

ANYA: And I say I'm saying this on this podcast to all y'all out there. I wanted to be a director, but I wrote in my diary I wanted to be a casting director because I saw that as attainable. I never in my wildest dreams saw directing as something I could do. So I say this to you all now, like, don't write that shit down. Don't like stifle yourself if you want to direct, like, say it. So it took me a long time to get to that point where, you know, to say it. And once I said it, it happened and it happened because it's the job I absolutely should be doing.

00:18:58:10 - 00:19:06:07

ANYA: I love doing the job. It's fucking hard. There are days that I hate it, but I love it overall. Like I'm just it's the right

00:19:06:12 - 00:19:06:27

FANSHEN: what you

00:19:07:00 - 00:19:08:20

FANSHEN: were meant to be doing.

00:19:08:22 - 00:19:09:07

ANYA: Yeah.

00:19:10:01 - 00:19:33:06

FANSHEN: Hi, it's Fanshen Cox, and you're listening to Sista Brunch. We'll be right back. And during this quick break, hey, go ahead and head on over to Twitter and follow us there at Sista Brunch or on Instagram at Sista Brunch podcast. Let us know your favorite episodes. Let us know what you're up to. Give us suggestions for future guests. We'd love to interact with you on our social media.

00:19:40:03 - 00:19:59:28

FANSHEN: Welcome back to Sista Brunch, highlighting amazing black women and gender expansive people who are shattering ceilings in the entertainment and media industries. You can listen to all of our previous episodes on our website, SistaBrunch.Com. I'm Fanshen, and let's get back into this episode with our advice to our younger selves.

00:20:02:15 - 00:20:13:07

FANSHEN: And we have a special gift for you at the end of this episode. Last but certainly not least, the incredible women who make up Sista Brunch.

00:20:13:09 - 00:20:14:05

MIMI: This is Mimi.  

00:20:14:07 - 00:20:14:29

MIMI: Slater.

00:20:15:01 - 00:20:26:25

MIMI: I'm an associate producer on Sista Brunch. I would tell my younger self, You are an amazing person and full of potential. Remember to be kind and confident in yourself.

00:20:28:12 - 00:21:12:14

MADDIE: Hi, my name is Maddie Black. I'm the social media video editor at Sista Brunch. And what I would tell my younger self is to trust the process. I feel like a lot of times when we have to go through things, we don't know what the end goal is and it can be very scary. Um, but I've noticed that throughout the journeys I've been through creatively, personally, whatever, I've learned so much in that process, even if it's uncomfortable, I've learned a lot. And I would definitely tell my younger self to trust the process and to be open, um, be confident in going through that process because the person you're going to be when you come out of it is going to it's going to, you know, rock the world.

00:21:12:16 - 00:21:14:01

MADDIE: So that's what I would say.

00:21:15:03 - 00:21:30:26

FANSHEN: And this is Fanshen and Cox. I'm your co-host, and my advice to my younger self is to always know that no matter where you are, no matter what room you walk into, no matter what you do: YOU BELONG.

00:21:35:15 - 00:22:15:07

FANSHEN: Thank you for listening to Sista Brunch, the podcast that brings you the stories of black women breaking barriers and bringing joy to entertainment and media. It's our fourth season. We've just wrapped it up. You can read the transcripts for this show and to all of our previous episodes at Sista Brunch. We appreciate your support by subscribing to our podcast, leaving us a great review and sharing it with others. You can also follow and interact with us on Instagram at Sista Brunch podcast. Also, please support the Sista Brunch podcast by subscribing, rating and reviewing our show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

00:22:15:09 - 00:22:19:10

FANSHEN: Thank you so much and truly, truly, we appreciate you.

00:22:20:29 - 00:22:34:25

MIMI: Sista Brunch is brought to you by TruJuLo Productions. Our senior producer, Sonata Lee Narcisse. Our co-producer is Brittney Turner. Our executive producers are Cristabel Nsiah Buadi, and Anya Adams.

00:22:35:02 - 00:22:51:04

MADDIE: Our associate producers are Farida Abdul-Wahab and Mimi Slater. And our social media videos are cut by Maddie Black. We acknowledge that the land we record our podcasts on is the original land of the Tongva and Chumash people. Thank you for listening and catch you on the next one.